My perception
It’s been 25 years of marriage, four children and 3 grandchildren since
I was diagnosed with ‘Terminal cancer’ in 1977 with approximately
3 months left to get my life in order. Terminal though, obviously was just a
relative term, relative to my perception of the diagnosis. One of the descriptions
for terminal, according to the dictionary, denotes ‘the end, of a route,
for facilitating connections’. Like in an airport, only one stop towards
facilitating change, rushing to make the connection for the next flight. With
a terminal diagnosis, I was at the end of a route, of who I was, the path I
had been following, and I was at the beginning of a whole new way of living.
For years I have been asked to write the memoirs of my journey with cancer,
and for years I have been unable to put it down into words. It has taken me
these twenty plus years to put my past into a context that I am comfortable
writing about, a context worth reliving, worth remembering all that I went through.
Until recently I hadn’t truly understood that writing about my journey,
my ordeal, could serve a purpose. I have often been told that I am
a true to life success story, a walking miracle. Until recently I hadn’t felt as though I
was anything more than just an average individual who, as anyone has, gained
experience through life’s multitude of lessons. To comprehend that my
experience of living with cancer was more than just one of life’s more
irritating inconveniences, but could be a story of inspiration for others dealing
with similar challenges was unfathomable.
The notion was brought home to me when a friend of the family, who had cancer
at the time, asked to be reminded of the odds that I was able to over come,
my journey. As though in the reiteration of it, she could find the strength to
be able to retain a positive attitude about her prognosis. It is a tale of ups
and downs. Traditional as well as non-traditional. The narrative reads like
something from a soap opera, so surreal at times. Out of what could be considered
the worst possible circumstances, and through a process of trial and error,
we, my family, support group, and all, succeeded.
What I have learned, through experience, that I would like to share, is that
I feel it is important to have pursued all of the viable options available.
Viable, meaning only a possibility of progress. Why close any doors if there
is even a minor possibility of improving your chances for success in the long
run? When offered a virtually new chemotherapy program to try, with reasonably
good odds for success, I took it. Sure I went through some side effects, some
ups and some downs, and now that it is years later, surrounded by my ever growing
family, I am so extremely glad I did, not only for myself but also for all those
whom I have affected over the decades, personally or through hearsay.
I hope with my apologue I can make a positive, maybe even essential, difference
into the lives of the individuals, that I, or the narrative of what I have been
through, come into contact with. The point, I guess, is; Work through the illness,
whether it is minor or life threatening utilizing every possible option available.
Enjoy being positive about your future and accept the times when you don’t.
I believe it is in the various combinations of all that is non-traditional and
all that is traditional, that holds the key, with a support system composing
of caring individuals as well as knowledgeable coordinators, such as your physicians,
that will make it possible to succeed one small step at a time. During the interim,
maintaining rather than enduring your quality of life. Live in the moment, day
by day. Go with what feels right and feel right about what you chose to do.
Fear stems from ignorance, learn what you need to, investigate options, and
go forward.
My intent in writing this autobiography was not to win any scholarly awards.
I do not profess to be an English major. I did want to get the history of my
experience down in my own words though, not rewritten be someone who would put
it more eloquently. The two years I spent with cancer has been written in such
a way as to be kept as brief and easy to read as possible. My hope is removed
from academics; my hope is that this narrative can inspire those in need.
(last modified 2008)